my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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