If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
