You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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