i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
