got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
