I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
