to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
