If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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