Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
foreskin is a definite game changer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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