My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
