she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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