...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
