i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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