It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
