I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
