I think scott just propositioned me for sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
