just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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