3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
