Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
