im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The best revenge is premature balding
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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