This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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