I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
