Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.