just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.