My liver just broke up with me...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus