My brain says no but my pants say off.
please come you make the beer taste better
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
