She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
