I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize