Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
