Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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