the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.