I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.