if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂