You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".