Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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