It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize