And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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