Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
