Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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