meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
