that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
