we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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