remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
