What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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