I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
