A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
