I love black thongs
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
