I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
