OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i think i just lost a toe
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
