her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
nutella sex= disaster
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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