I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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