i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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