i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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