K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He shit in the fireplace
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
