She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
