Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
