Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
