I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
