I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
