Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
