where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
