I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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