i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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