kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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