You can't motorboat a personality
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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