So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
